Wednesday, December 28, 2005

A Note To Sir Paul

[To our readers - from time to time, Tyler likes to post what he calls "randoms." They are just that - random thoughts from his fevered imagination.

We've been trying to reign him in on these, but this one slipped past the staff censor. Sorry.

And you have been warned. - The Editors]

Dear Sir McCartney:

Sir, I am, at best, only a minor fan. I do recognize your considerable songwriting and singing talent; the stellar success of the Beatles is ample testimony of that. "Get Back" is a great song, and "Live and Let Die" is a most excellent piece of rock'n'roll.

But I have to ask you to perform a public service, and renounce "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time." I don't know what you were thinking; perhaps you were having an off day, or you wanted to get your label to back off.

Having suffered through roughly 12, 893 repetitions of this song since November, I have decided that it must be on the soundtrack of Hell. Its vapid lyrics and gaudy synthesizers induce not Christmas cheer but a complete cessation of higher mental activity and a blank stare. In a just world, it would only be played in the hallways of Guantanamo Bay and piped into Saddam Hussein's cell; but instead I hear it in the grocery store, the mall, and the local 24/7 Christmas radio station. (Speaking of which... no, I'll leave that for another day.)

I have to say it is the only black mark on your stirling career, sir - so I ask that you renounce it.

I will have my Bond soundtrack collection blaring in anticpation of your response.



When you were young, and your heart was an open book, you used to say, live and let live...

No comments:

Post a Comment